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Have your friends ever breathed down your neck about your marks from that exam? Do you feel anxious after every exam, not just because it’s hard, but because of being scared of meeting everyone’s expectations?
You are probably suffering from A.F.S (Annoying friend syndrome).
Jokes aside, the influence of our friends upon our education shouldn’t be underestimated. A study by economists from the Union College in Schenectady, New York found that being in a fraternity may lower the GPA of its members by an average of 0.25 points, but may raise their future income by as much as 36%.
I deeply resonated with this dilemma in high school. Having been through a few friend groups, I’ve kept a mental diary of how I felt being with them and to an extent their influence on how I felt about studying. There are a few factors to examine to decide if your friends are creating an environment conducive to your education, with the biggest being:
1. Competition
Competition feels like everything in high school. Ever prominent in the back end of the 6 years, everyone scrambles to compare marks and assure themselves of their safety in this seeming competition. Competition between friends can make you, or it can break you.
I’ve had this one friend, let’s call him A. We are studying for a very competitive exam during the stretch of trials in HSC. Everytime he would get a good test score, or got a question wrong, or just did a question in preparation for the exam, he would post it to our friendgroup’s group chat. In the beginning, I felt challenged.
“Surely this competition is a good thing!” I thought.
But eventually, I grew tired. I’m already pushing myself as much as I can, and whenever I would check what other people were doing in the groupchat I was constantly reminded of how I could be studying more and doing better. This began to have a horrible effect on me, and I started losing sleep and confidence in my performance. I eventually snapped out of it and told him to stop, which he begrudgingly agreed.
My point here is that competition needs to be in moderation, and not up to a point where it chases you all the way to your safe spaces. You most likely will need to find a point where you are comfortable with, and with these dilemmas it’s always harder saying "No, I’m uncomfortable with this level of pressure” than saying yes.
If you can balance this aspect of peer pressure, it can have a positive effect on your performance. However, you should always keep your mental health in mind!
2. Goals
Do your goals with your friends align? Perhaps you all want to make it to business, law or medical school. Having friends with similar goals is a very positive thing, as you can stay motivated and help each other whenever the need arises. This comes in the form of group studying, reminding each other of important application dates and general comradery. However, this wouldn’t be possible without…
3. Respect
Everyone has their own way of doing things. When it feels like your life's on the line for a HSC exam, and someone studies for it in a different way, it isn’t difficult to see how people might feel like their life is being threatened.
This is where respect comes in. Firstly, respecting your friends' ways of studying and not imposing your own ways on them and instead, practice using constructive feedback. And most importantly, respect for yourself and your way of doing things, as it has gotten you this far!
Overall, these were 3 factors that deeply affected my relationship with my friends in the context of my education. If you feel like your friend groups don’t resonate with you on these 3 wavelengths, I would consider rethinking whether they are a positive influence on your education, or not. Perhaps John Dewey can wrap this up in a better way than I can:
“We do not learn from experience… We learn from reflecting on experiences” - John Dewey
Need to bounce off ideas with like-minded and friendly tutors? Reach out at Concept - we're always happy to help!
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